Dating Tips: Lessons I’ve Learned Dating as a Plus-size Woman

Dating as a plus-size can be a little intimidating, particularly if you have not had a fair share of amiable experiences to begin with. But the truth is, dating in whatever body shape you’re in always comes with certain risks. When you open up yourself to someone, you are risking yourself to be judged; you are risking your heart to be broken. Cliche as it sounds, but love really is a gamble. Nevertheless, your weight is not a deciding factor for anyone to not pursue you – it should be your personality as a whole. 

Fellow ladies, here’s a few tips to help you kickstart your dating journey. 

There is no room for catfishing

With dating apps thriving amid the pandemic, it gets easier to be acquainted with the opposite sex even when parties and casual hangouts are currently not possible. But online dating can pose integrity issues since it is very easy to manipulate one’s background online. If you’re up for a serious potential relationship, do not trick men with really outdated photos of yourself nor even try to photoshop them. Sure, there is nothing to be ashamed about with how we look, but if you do not mean to play around, there is no point in pretending to be someone skinnier than you actually are. When you love and respect yourself, you attract the same positive people into your life. 

With the right mindset, dating is not at all intimidating

Our personal preferences vary a lot. Just because a guy prefers a slim woman doesn’t mean he intends to disrespect the plus-size sector. This is probably what many people have in mind, so they find this whole dating game kind of intimidating. The notion that men only want to date skinny women is definitely not true. As a plus-size myself, I used to have a lot of dates and enjoyed their company while I took my time in choosing the perfect guy for me. There are millions of different guys with different tastes in women. And I’m pretty sure all of these men aren’t really looking for a date who pretends to be someone else. Be your genuine self.

Confidence makes you sexy

I used to date this guy in my early 20s. It was the phase when I wasn’t really 100% confident of who I really was. The night started off fine, but I remember letting him choose everything for me just because I couldn’t make up my mind. It was me being too scared to commit a mistake. Should I order a salad? A real meal, perhaps? Should I go heavy with my drinks, or take it easy with wine?

I wanted to be a woman of great finesse, and by wanting to please him so bad,  I started doubting my own choices. I pressured myself by trying too hard, and I projected that pressure on him that he eventually got furious. Believe it or not, I was told that I needed to know exactly what I want – right in the face. You might say, he could’ve let it slip away. That’s true. But one thing is for sure: My inability to decide for myself was annoying enough. Looking back, it’s still cringy how awkward and uncomfortable that evening was. 

The thing is, unless you picture yourself being naive and under someone’s control, then always carry yourself with grace. A confident woman knows what she wants. For me, a woman who drives her partner nuts by not being specific about what she wants is just, for the lack of a better term, not cute! Be confident from day one. Make your rules and preferences clear, as to set a really clear expectation between you two.

Dress up, but dress classy

You can wear whatever you feel beautiful in —  just don’t overdo it. As much as I love wearing dresses, looking decent is also very important. Very short dresses and plunging necklines that reveal most of my cleavage are not my definition of sexy. We send out certain signals by the way we present ourselves. Wear something that makes you feel beautiful and safe at the same time.

You want to keep things interesting? Be yourself

Talk and listen. Open up but make him feel that you are also interested in his stories. Women always want someone who listens well, but do we even pay attention to what they’re saying? In order for someone to listen to you attentively, you have to be a good listener yourself. It’s a give and take process. Ask questions, and let him know what you think about the subject. Do not force a topic just to make you sound smart, or interesting. The most fun conversations are those that went on naturally. Most importantly, never talk about your past relationships. Bringing an ex into the discussion might send him the wrong signals. It shows that you’re either still not over that guy and may portray you as a negative person. 

If you feel conscious ordering food you really like because he may judge your food choices, well then, don’t you think that is something you should know about on the very first day? A lot of plus-size women fear eating in public, let alone during a date, because we do not want any unsolicited advice being shoved on our face. But the point of dating is to get to know each other on a personal level, and if your food choices disappoint the guy, get yourself out of that situation. Pronto!  

SAFETY TIPS LADIES: If you’re into meet-ups, BE SAFE

I know a handful of people who met their beloved partners through Tinder. Dating apps can be a wonderful platform if used properly, and your safety should be on top of your list. Always meet in public spaces. First dates can definitely go wrong, and agreeing to go to your or the other person’s place is not really a good idea. If you are meeting a guy for the first time, let your family or closest friends know. Provide his photo and some basic info, including the place you agreed to meet. Listen to your senses. If you are uncomfortable, or for some unexplained reasons, you feel kind of bad just being around the guy, then don’t do it.

There are free apps where your friends can track your current location. For iPhone users, I suggest you make use of this operating system  because you’ll never know when it is going to be handy. And ladies, never be too complacent. Some guys may be oozing with charm and sex appeal but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve found yourself a gentleman. Always watch your drinking glasses, especially on the first day, and never leave your drinks unattended. While dating is a fun experience, it’s still difficult to decipher people’s intentions. Safety is a must. Always be attentive when your drink is being served. 

And how can I be so sure of these tips?

It’s because I’ve dated a lot in the past and tried them all personally. My dating journey has been a wonderful experience! I understood myself and my preferences on a whole new level. To this day, I am in a relationship now for 3 years, and guess what? I found my partner on Tinder and we were so happy to have met each other, we decided to move in together after only 4 months of dating. We are crazy happy! 

Dating can be a fun or stressful journey, depending on how you plan to have it played. You can try hard to meet a man’s standards and pretend to be someone else the rest of your dating journey OR, you can be yourself and genuinely enjoy your time together. It’s totally your call. 

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